September snippets

A break and a new role

Had a few weeks of vacation last month and travelled a bit without H. Like before, I arranged for a trained caregiver to come in to keep an eye on him and to cook. 'Twas wonderful to get a way and when I came back, my first thought when I saw H was, "Oh my, this man is a mess...poor guy." In this case, the break gave me some perspective and increased my sympathy for him.

Came back and started a new role at the same company I've worked at for over 8 years now. I am a bit daunted right now, but it's great to have something to focus on that is challenging. Takes my mind off H and all that stuff.

Another half century

H's sister is turning 50 this month and the extended family is coming to town for the soiree.

At first, H told me that "I have nothing to wear." But I explained to him that he did. Then he said, "Well, I don’t know if I want to go because I won't be able to stay long." I then offered to get a room at the hotel where the party is being held; he said, "No, I'll spend all my time in bed."

Finally, he fessed up: "I don't want them to see how thin & lame I am...that's the real reason I don't want to go."

I don't know which is worse for H & his family: him not going "because he is too sick" (the reason he couldn't attend his mom's funeral out of town) or him going and looking very thin, frail, and sick. I told him that they all know he is sick, but he said, "yea, but they don't have to look at it."

Another sick one in the house

One of our cats is quite ill with a feline virus; it's not FIV, but is similar. And so the cat is losing weight, has been in and out of the vets's office, and is sleeping much of the time.

Our cats are our kids and this distresses H a great deal. He said to me, "ASM, can you please give the cat his medicine...I can't do it and I don't want to see you give it to him. I just can't stand to see him shrink away, gag on the medication, and...we know he's going to die soon, but who knows when. I just can't deal."

"Honey, I understand," I said softly, "it's very much like my experience with you. I'll take care of the cat."

H said, "Oh, it is like me...how do you do it?"

"Because I have to and no one else can or will."

"Thank you," H says, now crying in my arms.