Accepting craziness

I've come to the conclusion that H's mental state is doing nothing but declining. And so I now think of him as crazy. It's one thing to have dementia, it's another to be "crazy." The more I've thought about this, the more freeing it is…this is a key part of my acceptance work to call it what it is.

Part of me is sad because I'm giving up hope that he'll ever get better, but he just won't. And as he sleeps more and more and becomes more and more delusional, I know that the end is in sight. What end, I don't know, but some end is in sight.

And so, the drama grinds on, but seeing his mental state decline so much recently is helping me accept the inevitable more easily and, perversely, gives me much hope for my future...as in, I will have one soon.