Bits 'n' bats

Cutting myself some slack

I've been really ragging on myself recently about: my drinking, my performance at work, my social life, my emotional state, my choices, my depression, etc. etc. etc.

I keep forgetting that this is the cost of my choice to stay with H, plain and simple.

Once I started giving myself some grace for why I'm where I’m at, I felt much better. Forgiving others is one thing, forgiving yourself is harder, I think.

At least it's not home

After a bit of time off last week, I can happily say that work is refreshing and just a bit overwhelming. Home is just bleak.

I used to find that I enjoyed his companionship, that it nurtured me to be with him. That is no longer the case.

Odd that work is more fulfilling than home...not because work is so great, but that it's not home.

Giving up

I've tried a bunch of ways to deal with my depression: exercise, cutting back on my drinking, eating better, …. But it's just too oppressive, bordering on debilitating.

Depression is one of the stages of grief, the one that says "I can't bear to face going through this." And I really just can't.

So, today I will schedule an appointment with my Dr. to go back on my anti-depressants. Goodbye, sweet Johnson…it was nice getting to know you again.