Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Can't go home

Sad news...H's mom died unexpectedly last week. We're not certain, but we think the cause was an accidental overdose of pain medication.

Needless to say, H is beside himself, not just because his mom died, but also because he's not able to travel to the funeral due to his health. Fastest travel times to get to the service is about 15 hours and there's just no way he's up to the travel, even if I travel with him. He can only be up for 3 to 4 hours at a time at home….

It took a long time on the phone for his family to get that his health is just too bad to travel; maybe not being able to attend his mom's service will help get them out of denial. "Oh, you'll just be tired...we're all tired." You have no idea, folks.

After the service, which we participated in via Web video, H said to me, "I'm so glad I didn't go. That trip would have killed me."

H has been having dreams where he's lost, can't find his car, his cell phone, or his cane. And he can't seem to get home, no matter what he tries. In fact, in his dream, he's not certain that he has a home to go to, but he knows he can't stay where he is.


ChickPea said...

Thinking of you both and wishing you strength and love. x

Greg said...

I'm sorry for H's loss. It seems that this event has maybe made his condition a little more real both to H's family and to H himself.

That last sentence about H's dream is deeply poignant.

Y | O | Y said...

I'm sorry to hear this news, but I think it was quite clever that you were able to use technology for H to participate.

You last line about H dreaming he want to go home was a big thing for my Mom. Even when she was here where she lived for 50 years, she still wanted to go home.

That has passed since she's in the assisted living center. Now she says, "I've got to find mother and daddy." The aides say they hear it all the time from others.

I wonder if this is the usual trajectory of dementia?

citygirl said...

I'm sorry for H's loss. Does he still remember now (June 1) or does he forget that his mom passed away sometimes?

My mom was always wanting/trying to go home, even from our family home where she lived for 40 years. I think "home" was her childhood home back in another country. But even then...if she got there, I don't think it's the physical house that she's wanting. I think it's the time in her life she's wanting - she wants to be at "home" again when she was a little girl with her parents.