Thursday, May 08, 2008

Lonely, but I want to be alone

In my busy life, I work ~10 hours a day and am home for only a few hours in the am and at night. In the morning, I get ready for work and leave; in the evening, I cook dinner and then maybe watch TV or play video games for an hour or so. Very boring, I think, but maybe not untypical.

Unless I get him up, H will sleep in the morning until after I leave for work and will nap through me getting home until dinner time. This gives me some much-needed alone time to do whatever I need to do for me...sometimes, I just sit in a quiet house or listen to music or putz in the garden or watch one of those compelling all-male movies.

This morning, H gets up just as I'm finishing my breakfast and he is distressed.

"What's wrong?" I ask. And I try to sound concerned, but all I can hear in my head it, "God, what now? It was such a peaceful morning." (Would be nice to get the internal monologue and external dialog to match up.)

"Can you get me up when the coffee's ready? So that I can spend time with you?" he asks softly.

"Sure." I say, without meaning it. I won't put the other S word I thought of here.

While I fret about my loneliness and isolation, the little alone time that I do get is precious to me. Just another example of how our needs collide without an obvious solution for us both.

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