More of the same
I haven't posted much as life grinds on with no real news…just more of the same with me struggling to cope and H struggling to do just about anything. Really, I'm struggling to accept and my not accepting reality is why I struggle.
That must be frustrating
I've told H on many occasions when he's expressing his dismay at all he no longer can do, "That must be frustrating, honey." "Yea, it really is." What I don't say is that it is equally as frustrating for me (especially when I hear the same story over and over) and that makes me frustrated (but there's nothing he can do).
Better living through chemicals
Effexor is a wonderful anti-depressant in so many ways. I'm not longer in my deep, dark hole and for that I am glad; in fact, my mood is pretty darned good these days. But, the side effects are troublesome, from the slight agitation feeling, to the hot flashes, to the libido up, but performance down.
Nodding and muttering
I keep finding H sitting at his computer nodding and muttering. He tells me that he's daydreaming. This usually also happens when he's sitting at the dinner table, fork shaking in his hand while he's staring down the dinner plate.
Using the oven timer
Yesterday, H put some cinnamon rolls in the oven while I was doing laundry. He came to me and said he couldn't figure out the timer (on our oven that we've had for 20 years). When I went to check on the oven, he had set it to self-clean and then to a timed bake for 90 minutes at 400. I tried to explain what he had done, but finally settled for "only use the left button" for the timer.
Wish I could remember
H continually reminds me of things that need doing. Problem is that he doesn't remember that he's already talked with me several times about the chore and we've reach agreement on what needs to happen. Chances are, the task is already done. Challenge for me is to reply as tho' we never had a conversation about the topic…that's how H sees it after all.
Favorite quote of the day
"If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is," Steve Pavalina here.
Monday, October 19, 2009
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2 comments:
What I don't say is that it is equally as frustrating for me (especially when I hear the same story over and over) and that makes me frustrated (but there's nothing he can do).
Maybe you need to say it instead of bottling it up. Yes, he can't do anything about it, but you'll get it off your chest. He's going to forget you ever said it so it's not like keeping it inside is really protecting him!
Snippets can be good - like postcards - these can help others have a clue where you are and share something of the scenery with you - much better than retreating into the dark room on your own.
Thank you for sharing, Mr S M.
Yours, like so many others, is a torturously difficult path. Your honesty in sharing something of your own heartache and vulnerability supports and encourages others. Know, in your Aloneness, that you are not alone.
Much love, and very very best wishes, x
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