Monday, May 17, 2010

Why isn't it better?

When H is sickest, needless to say, our relationship declines. He's not cogent, feels awful, and there are other priorities.

But then, when he gets better, he goes on about how our relationship isn't what he wants it to be, that it ought to be better. Yet, he doesn't remember what's happened.

So, I find myself with someone who's been asleep for close to a year and then wakes up and wants their life to be what they want.

And, he can't understand that when he's sick, our relationship is all about me being guardian/caregiver and the last thing on my mind is what is going on with our relationship. I have other concerns, such as, "Is he going to die?"

He'll tell me that he's unhappy about this or that aspect of our time together and while I want to be sympathetic (and I am) to not getting needs met from a relationship, part of me just wants to slap him. "Don't you realize that it's like this because of your health? How can that not have an affect on our lives together?"

"Well, I'm better now," is what he'll say, "so there's nothing to worry about."

Yea, but tell that to person with PTSD. The event is over, but they are irrevocably changed, and not for the better

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