Frail is as frail does

Not much to report these days as H's viral load continues to stay down and life grinds on.

Happily, I'm heading out for a business trip next week to NYC. For the first time, I've arranged pro caregiver coverage while I'm out of town. I want someone who knows what they're looking at to keep an eye on him, help him with his meds, and cook for him. At least I can go with a clear mind, knowing that I've got coverage at home.

Difficult to see him so frail and shrinking. I've been stuffing him with his favorite rich foods (well, stuffing myself too), but he's barely maintaining his weight.

In the past, he's been frail, but then has bounced back. This time, he's staying frail. We were sitting in the hot tub and I was holding his hands...small, bony, weak, no grip anymore. And holding him in my arms...he's shrunk so much.

It's one thing to intellectualize the decline...to observe it and report...it's another thing to feel it with the arms that have held him so many times.