Friday, September 23, 2005

Damned power ballads!

So, I wake up early this morning, H is sleeping & snoring by my side, with a song in my head. This doesn't usually happen to me (although sometimes I confess that some commercial jingle gets in my head and I just can't shake it for the entire day). The song was "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down.

I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

Damned musak at the gym! For months, they've played this song over and over again there and even in public there I'd get a bit teary. But to wake up to the song playing in my head...shit. So, I just get up, cry for awhile, have a cigarette...and now hours later, I still can't get this song out of my head. And I cry everytime it plays in my head. Must get it together as I am at work....

There's this notion of "anticipatory grief," where you can see a loss coming (or smaller loses happen along the way) and you grieve along the way. Right where I am right now. Been here for years in fact. It sucks.

One good thing is that we have time to say our goodbyes. My mom died a very sudden death and it was very hard because I never got to say goodbye.

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