Do the dichotomy

Each day, I'm torn. While I don't want him to die, I do. Horrible to lose someone you love, but horrible to see them suffer, not to mention the cost to me either way.

So, I sit here on the horns of the dichotomy (sic), all the while wanting and needing something different. The (realistic) options are not appealing: he limps along with a marginal quality of life or he dies. What I really want, no need...need more than anything...is a healthy lover...the way he used to be. And that ain't gonna happen.