Just to get your attention

Last night, I was talking with H about what will happen on those nights when I'm travelling or have to work late. Both will be happening more and more as I change jobs (hopefully soon). Or even after a long day and I’m too tired to make the 30 minute meals I usually do.

Lots of options for 2 - 3 nights a week: have someone come in and cook, more frozen foods (bleh), easier meals (think spaghetti, canned things), etc. He doesn't like the latter two options.

H keeps going on about how he wants to help me, but I "push him away." Well, I'm nervous about him chopping with large knives and he can't really measure, so little help on the prep. He gets confused about the steps, so he can't make the food. I ask him to set the table and he's not certain how to do it sometimes.

This is why I have given him just two jobs at home: make certain the kitchen is clean so I can make dinner and feed the dogs at night so we can have dinner in peace. He struggles to do these two things and I often have to prompt him or do them myself.

"OK, if you want to help, have dinner ready for me when I get home a few nights a week, then, " I say, "surprise me."

"Well, I can go out to dinner when you travel," he says looking at the ground.

"OK, sure, but why can't you make a simple dinner? You make breakfast and lunch sometimes," I ask, pressing him.

Long, long pause.

"Because I don't have a brain anymore; dinner is too complicated." He's crying now.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand. OK, so it's just too hard…that helps a lot. I just wanted to make certain that I understood what was happening. Awhile ago, you told me that you wanted me to cook just to get my attention," I say. True, we had this conversation a few months ago.

He looked very confused, hurt, and said, "What? I said that? I never said that; that's not true."

"OK, honey. Dinner's ready."