Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why I sleep so much

For years, H has slept a lot…up a few hours in late morning and early evening, but generally in bed the rest of the time. Sometimes he sleeps more and sometimes less, but generally, he's sleeping 18 hours a day or so. When he sleeps more, he's up for a few minutes here and there and then goes back to bed.

When I've asked or said anything about his sleeping, I get a range of answers, usually defensive, which is not what I was trying to achieve:

* Because the meds make me sick and I'd just rather sleep it off
* The pain meds make me so sleepy
* You're an asshole and I prefer not to be around you
* You don't want to be around me
* I'm trying to give you some alone time

When I ask, I'm looking for information about how he is doing. A few days ago, I mentioned that it seems he's sleeping a lot more (up for just a few minutes at a time and I really notice this) and he said, "Well…you can't diagnose me. "

"Oh, honey, I'm not trying to diagnose you, I'm just trying to understand what is happening," I said. "I'm asking because I care."

H said, "Well, I'm just depressed. I'm sick, I feel bad, and you don't want to be with me anymore. So I sleep. Besides, I just love sleeping. I really enjoy my naps…the highlight of my day."


citygirl said...

I like that you said you were asking because you want to understand what's happening and that you care. That would mean a lot to me if I was H.

I sleep a lot when I'm in pain (emotionally) because it takes me away from whatever situation is causing it. It's an escape. When I'm asleep, I don't have to deal with anything. I don't have hurt, worry or cry.

A Single Man said...

@citygirl...yup, H is cleary in a lot of emotional distress and sleeping is the best way for him to escaep all of that.