Are we there yet?

Back at the desk (and the Web) after a two-week+ break. Nice to get off the grid for a bit. Didn’t do any travelling this time…was a staycation and it was a delightful break from work: get up and just do stuff I want. And coming back to work is a relief from what has been going on at home.

H has been having fainting and falling spells, so that created a bit of a hubbub during my break. Well, hubbub for me anyway. Dr. didn't seem alarmed about this or H's faltering mental state…"well, yes, his dementia will get worse, yes, he's at risk for falling." What's expected by others doesn't help; it's a big deal to me.

Keep wondering when he'll die…like being on a long, hot, uncomfortable car trip and you don't know when you'll get there because you've never been there before and traffic is bad. Sure, at some point you will get there, but not soon enough, in any case.

H pretty much slept through my whole vacation. Up around noon, take meds, back in bed until 4, take meds & eat, back up for dinner at 8, up for a few hours for TV, and then sleep again. More of the same, really. Just a shadow in the house now.

So, I just go about my life, visiting friends, working in the garden, etc. and I see him for 2 - 3 hours a day.

This year, among other things, I had planned to 1) quit drinking (check), 2) focus on work until vacation (check), 3) take an extended break from work (check), and 4) figure out what I'm going to do with H.

So, here were are.

Short answer: no surprise, but I’m not going to place him until I have to. I won't place him (I don't think) due to my issues, even tho' I can really feel the burden now that I'm rested about work. But I do wonder how long he can continue to be at home by himself.

He can't remember to take his meds, is at high risk of falling, goes to bed and leaves the windows opened and doors unlocked, can't remember to eat or if he does, he can't figure out how to make food or even where to get food from the refrigerator (e.g., looking for eggs in the produce drawers).

And from here on out, that trip in the hot car will only get more uncomfortable, however long it takes to get there, wherever it is that we're going.