Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Longings unfulfilled

Neither H nor I get our partner needs (insert long list here) met at home, or at all, for that matter.

I've whined here about how he isn't a partner for me anymore, really, and I'm finally getting better at cutting through all the denial I have about this. And the denial that somehow it will all be better…that he will get well enough…oh, that's bargaining, isn't it. But that isn't going to happen.

My longing makes me want to get away from him to fill my needs because I know that he can't -- ever again. Once "free," I can then focus on getting what I need: (insert long list here).

His longing makes him be after me to fulfill his needs. I am often in the position of rejecting him over and over again as 1) he doesn't remember what we talked about and 2) he's just relentless in feeling that he can "fix" either our relationship or me or both.

I can appreciate his hope (mine has been gone for awhile now) and I don't want to unnecessarily hurt him.

So, here we are, both longing for what we need and neither one of us able to give or get that anymore.

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