No more cleaning & nothing to say

As expected, H ran out of steam after a few days of proving how healthy he is by cleaning the house.

He's now back to sleeping most of the day and is marginally incoherent when I try to talk with him.

I find myself with nothing to say to him anymore. I find myself just not telling him things, like I've talked with his Dr. about his cognitive state, that I've talked with Place about him going there, that I've resumed my therapy appointments, that my job is a dead end for me (I think) and I have much anxiety about finding another one.

Now, this is in addition to how much I've been witholding about my emotional state from him. I realized awhile ago that I couldn't share that with him as it's just too scary for him...realistically, this fear comes from fear of losing me. I understand that because he is so vulnerable. But, in spite of just about the worst situation that I can imagine, he's not losing me entirely.

Over time, not only is his life shrinking, but our lives together are shrinking as we interact less and less about what is really going on with us. Very strange. He's telling me less and less because he wants to appear healthy; I'm telling him less and less because I just don't want to share.

Ah, such is the state of our marriage today. Very sad.

I know how we can improve our relationship, but right now, he won't go for that.