Now, I'm stealing from him...

H calls me at work yesterday morning about 11 or so on his cel phone.

No greeting, yelling, "I only have $100 in my savings account. You told me last night you didn't know the balance...." I didn't.

So, I looked online at the banking record. "Oh, that's right, in December we agreed that some of that money should pay for the Christmas presents you charged...so I paid those in January."

"You lied to me, you (expletive deleted)," he yelled. "I wanted my money to do (my project) . Now, I'll never get to."

More swearing and yelling.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and said gently, "Now, sweetheart, we talked about this and I'm sorry if there was an understanding."

More yelling & swearing....

I said softly, "Honey, we'll put the money back into your account then, OK? I'm sorry that there is a misunderstanding."

More yelling & swearing. He hangs up on me.

I call him back...straight to voice mail. I left a soft-voiced message about how it was unfair to call me at work, yell at me, swear at me, and then hang up. Especially, since I'm so stressed about work right now and it was just a misunderstanding (meaning...he forgot what we agreed upon again). "We're going to talk about this when I get home," I said gently at the end of the message.
I left the same sotto voce voice mail on our home answering machine.

When I got home, he was asleep (typical) and after he got up I raised the issue gently with him.

He says, kinda yelling and getting more and more agitated, "This is the 3rd time that you've taken money from my account without asking me. I want the money for (my project) and you don't want me to do it, so you take my money."

I don't remember any time when I have taken money out of "his" account without him knowing and agreeing. Odd that we have had joint finances for over 20 years, but now he's talking about his money. Well, he's been doing that more and more recently.

Then he went on about how much of "his"money (SS disability) "I'm keeping," meaning how much goes into the house fund. We had agreed to the numbers a long time ago to make the budget work. I don't keep it, it helps pay for food, electricity, the mortgage, gas, cable TV, etc. Much appreciated since this is the only income he has.

I said, "Honey, we've been together almost 25 years and you're saying that now you don't trust me with money. This is the first time I've heard you say that. And I want to let you know just how much that hurts me, how disappointed I am, and how totally unfair that is to me. If you can't trust me by now, why are you here? Why am I here? I just want to remind you that we are on the same side."

I got all misty eyed and left the room, hurt. He never apologized or mentioned the conversation again.

H has been paranoid about others before and what they are doing (e.g., coming into our front yard and breaking the needles on a hedge that we have, our neighbors robbing banks or growing pot, ), but never me. This is getting really bad for my sanity.

This morning, I've left a message to talk with his primary doctor about getting Hadmitted the next time there is an opening to our favorite skilled nursing facility. Dr. will agree and then I'm going to be talking with H's family and then H as we get closer to the event.

Enough already.