Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Burden snippets

As I've mentioned before, we thankfully have a house cleaning service and on "school nights, " I sleep in the guest room so I actually can get a good night's sleep. H asked me last night to make certain that my pillows were on "our" bed before they came to clean. I didn't ask why.

Some states have Death with Dignity laws and while I have mixed feelings about it, when my time comes I hope that I have the choice to end it if the alternative is a miserable, painful death. When H and I discussed this topic very recently, he said, "You just want me to die" and "It's a good thing they couldn't do that when I was so sick awhile ago."

One of our pets died last week…we had him for 15 years. His kidneys failed and we had to put him down. As I was driving us home, H turns to me crying and said, "Why do we treat animals better than humans? Why can't I just go to sleep?" All I could do was choke back the tears so I could see the road and gently squeeze his hand. I thought, "Yes, honey, I know how tired you are. Me too."

H takes >20 different meds each day…a total of at least 50 pills a day, plus a number of liquids. I've encouraged him to take care of the ordering and setting up because I think it's good mental exercise for him. I audit to make certain it's OK. But he can't figure it out anymore…he panics more often than not... and so I've tried to do it…even with a clear mind, it is too much for me. Time to bring in skilled nursing, which is sad and a relief to us both.

3 comments:

ChickPea said...

Commiseration and sympathy regarding the passing of your beloved pet - they are such beloved members of the family, and leave such an aching void. thinking of you, with love, Cx

elanor said...

sorry to hear about your pet, they really do become part of the family. I hope the nursing assistance works out and helps you get a bit of a break from things, take care.

诺尔文。谢 said...

I am so sorry I cried while reading the below:

As I was driving us home, H turns to me crying and said, "Why do we treat animals better than humans? Why can't I just go to sleep?" All I could do was choke back the tears so I could see the road and gently squeeze his hand. I thought, "Yes, honey, I know how tired you are. Me too."

I know most of the people understand the said sadness, but can they feel it? The pain that cutting your heart into millions pieces when he/ she said this to you?