Friday, April 03, 2009

Weekdays of clarity

I haven't had a drink since last weekend and I'm amazed at how clear I'm thinking; people ahead of me in the treatment program say that thinking continues to improve for a long time.

Work is easier, my quick wit (we can debate how funny it is) is returning, and I'm realizing just how much I love H in spite of it all. And a little support from H and our family goes a long way in helping me feel better too.

I also realize just how impaired H is - not just in the "big" things, like not being able to cook a meal - but in small things, like tracking a simple conversation, mumbling half the words in a sentence, or struggling to wash a pan because "no matter how much I wash it, it just feels oily." (It wasn't.)

Weekday schedule now is work 8 - 5 & intensive outpatient treatment (group therapy) 6 - 9:30. Throw in physical therapy and psychotherapy once a week each and 2 AA meetings a week and I'm max'd out. Too much therapy if you ask me…. And just for fun, I'm getting a cold too.

Happily, sister and nieces are cooking for H and he likes seeing them and they love to spend time with him. And a nurse is now coming in to manage meds for H.

Nice to have some relief so that I can take care of myself.

But best of all is that my anger towards H is diminishing in a big way and I'm able to be more patient and kind. I simply don’t have the hostility towards him that I've felt in the past…even when I'm exhausted and he's being, well, his impaired self.

And for all of this I am very, very grateful.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your progress in all of your struggles. It's great to read this entry - gives hope to others.

ChickPea said...

I have really missed you while I've been away - what a fantastic person you must be - so much progress ! I rejoice with you - I hope that being aware of your progress will help the hard stuff to be ok. Thank you so much for sharing all this - you really are an inspiration for some of the rest of us. Hugs n luv, x