Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Gearing up to dry out

For many years now, I've been drinking quite a bit. At first, it was for fun and now, well, let's just say it's a requirement.

When H first got sick, 12 years or so ago, I started drinking more and with increasing regularity and I worked my way up to a 6 pack a day. Recently, I've blown through that mark and drink way more than I mean to, even tho' I'm trying to limit it. Sigh.

I remember talking with a therapist about my drinking. At that time, H was very, very ill. The therapist said, "Well, your drinking is understandable, but if it continues for longer than 2 or 3 years after his death, then that is a concern." That conversation was 9 years ago now.

The cold reality is that I need to stop drinking before I slip off the cliff. And the other cold reality is that I won't be able to medicate myself when I'm at home and I hate being home.

I'm sad that drinking has become what smoking was: something I used to enjoy, but now I can't control anymore and I have to stop. While I can have a cigarette from time to time, I know better than to have any in the house as I'll just smoke 'em all, quickly and without realizing it.

Now, I'm not keen on AA, and I'm already in therapy, but I'm going to my Dr. later this week to see if I can't take something to help with withdrawal. Getting Nicotine replacement was the only way I was able to stop smoking. I hope there is something comparable for drinking.


Greg said...

I'm glad you're tackling this - that you're aware of the problem and want to rectify it. I'm sure that augers well for your ability to deal with it, just as I'm sure it's no longer something that helps you cope but has become an additional burden. Good luck and know that we're all sending you our best wishes

ChickPea said...

We certainly are - heaps and heaps of best wishes. And luv n hugs, x

Anonymous said...

I just starting reading your blog (found it through another blog). I too have/am struggling with drinking. Although my person passed away last summer, I'm still drinking. It's hard to give up something that helps you through such hard times (even if it's alcohol!).

A Single Man said...

Yes, alchohol helped me for awhile, but it is costing me more than it's helping now. And that's why I have to stop.