Well, it's just not the care duties, but it's the whole package of having to play "single Dad" for another grown man in the house. Very little happens without me personally doing it, cooking, picking up the house, bill paying, unravelling insurance issues, etc.
That's annoying enough after 10+ years of this.
But the real issue isn't the care, the chores, or the responsibility, but that I don't get my needs met by this person. And it won't be any different unless I do something about it. H is hardly capable of making food for himself, let alone being capable of meeting my needs.
However this resolves itself or not, I do believe that, after a bit of errrrr adjustment, that I'll be able to handle this all better when I'm sober.
There I wrote it, "when I'm sober."
And I also think, with apologies to Saint Augustine, "Lord make me sober, but not yet."
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Musings, rants, heartaches, & commentary from a soon-to-be widower after 27 years with a wonderful man.
About Me
- A Single Man
- West Coast, United States
- Calendar says "middle-aged" gay guy in large metro area. Gardener, computer geek, artist, sweetheart, caregiver. Generally shy & reserved, except in print! Struggling to deal with my partner losing his mind and dying slowly from AIDS, my own stuff about aging while looking for meaning and fun through it all.
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1 comment:
Well, you said it (sort of). Drinking at first seems like it makes things more tolerable but it soon makes everything harder.
I'm guessing that you'd like to walk away but wouldn't be able to live with yourself for doing that. I get a strong sense of you boiling alive in this pressure cooker. Is there anyone you can reach out to for some help, some respite? Have you tried everybody you could?
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