H's viral load is now undectable...the first time in over a decade.
His T-cell count is 984, well within the normal range for a man his (our) age.
He still sleeps much of the time, tells me he feels crappy a lot, gets anxious when we run out of grocery items (like sugar), is in terrible pain from neuropathy, and has a hard time following or participating in a conversation or making a bowl of cereal.
Modern medicine has saved his life again, but for what? For this?
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Musings, rants, heartaches, & commentary from a soon-to-be widower after 27 years with a wonderful man.
About Me
- A Single Man
- West Coast, United States
- Calendar says "middle-aged" gay guy in large metro area. Gardener, computer geek, artist, sweetheart, caregiver. Generally shy & reserved, except in print! Struggling to deal with my partner losing his mind and dying slowly from AIDS, my own stuff about aging while looking for meaning and fun through it all.
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3 comments:
Modern medicine helps the one we love stay alive so that we could spend one more moment with him/ her.
There are some people in our life are irreplaceable.
I lost my mum last year and how much I wish she is here with me now. I know I am selfish and I know how much she suffered, I know I should let her go.
Appreciate every moment with the one you love and it's worth it. He stay alive because of you or else he would leave this world by now.
I have to rebut on this reader's comment on modern medicine keeping people alive. While it's nice that it gives you extra time with your loved ones, it also sometimes makes them live longer and suffer. Somedays I felt selfish for wanting my mom to stay alive because she was in such pain and suffering and no longer to realize who was who. She eventually became rather infant-like where she barely woke up to eat (read: be fed pureed food) for a bit here & there and slept 23 hours a day. What kind of life was that for her? I'd say it's worse than we'd ever let an animal endure.
@citygirl & @诺尔文。谢
I'm always torn by this: I want them to stay (being selfish) and I can't stand to see them suffer (being compassionate).
Every situation is different, but when it is my time, I don't want to live like H does. He doesn't either...very sad.
H has repeatedly told me that "we treat animals better than humans who are very ill...and why can't I just go to sleep like (our pet)?"
All the more reason to love those we love while they are here...we never know when they'll be gone or when we'll be gone.
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