Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Not backing off

I'm being as loving as I know how to be and absolutely holding my ground.

Overtime, H's acceptance is growing, but as you can imagine, he is very worried and sad about leaving his home of many, many years. He has a hard time adapting to a small change in schedule, let alone a move like this.

I am sad for both of us and afraid for him as well. But I do know it is what I must do, for both of us.

Yesterday, while we were talking about him leaving, he blurted out, "You can sell your car for someone to come in and take care of me."

"No, that isn't going to happen." I repeat, "It's not about the chores."
"What is it then?"
I go through the same messages again and I always end with:

"It's not that I want you out of my life," I say for the umpteenth time.

"You don't?" he asks with all the sincerity of someone who has never heard me say this before.

"No, I don't." I explain to him how I'll come visit, he can come home on some weekends, and that one big part of this is to help our relationship.


Rinse and repeat.

Yesterday, H was all chipper and eager to help me with dinner.

Later, he's helping me in the kitchen but doesn't know what to do. He needs me to tell him exactly what to do along the way: set the table (I have to tell him what to get), put water on the table, feed the cats, and cut the ears of corn up so that I can cook them. Oh, and make sure you get a small piece of corn on the cob for the dog (strange and messy, but true).

Later, there are three pieces of corn on the cob on the counter. "Ok, now you can cook corn for Frank (name changed to protect my canine) like you always do."

"What?" He's looking very confused right now. "But we don't cook the corn for Frank in there…." He's pointing to the pan of water.

"Right," I say. "One is for Frank and goes into the microwave; the others are for us and I'll cook those in the pan."

Only when I was that explicit did he knew what to do.

My poor sweetheart.

1 comment:

Y | O | Y said...

Hang tough. You are really taking care of two patients; him and you. But you seem to be taking better care of him. Only if you keep yourself strong will you be strong for him. If you go down, you'll both suffer.

BTW, I liked your "rinse and repeat" comment. I hear ya. It really tests one's patience!