Out the door

H left with his sister to go to the airport about a half an hour ago. H has a fair amount of anxiety about going, I can tell. A trip is stressful for him anyway, even without the drama going on. He almost forgot his carry on, which is nearly full with his medications for the next 2 - 3 weeks (really). He wants a label on it, "Carry On." He tries to use the little electronic label maker we have, but is too flustered to concentrate and type in the letters. I make the label and put it on the suitcase for him.

I have some anxiety about him, for some reason, not getting on the plane and me having to go fetch him from the airport. This happened about 10 years ago…he got confused, went to the wrong gate, took a nap and missed his flight. Even then, he was suffering from dementia, obviously. I so rarely get a break that it feels very surreal to have him gone and my irrational fear is that he doesn't go for some reason and I get no break.

To his credit, H packed all of his stuff and got himself ready for the trip. I helped a bit, on request, but he was very organized…if a bit anxious while packing. I think that he's worried about travelling, where I am emotionally right now (he also knows I'm on leave now), and what is going to happen…and who knows what else. I could see it in his face when I kissed him goodbye in the driveway. I smiled and told him I love him.

His sister was so very, very calm and pleasant this morning…good for both H and me. Now, she has kids and is used to having to get a family and their stuff from point a to point b, so one person should be easy. The difference between H and the kids is that she knows what each of the kids is capable of doing on their own. She doesn't know where H is...I don't think that she really believed that she should go to the gate with him, but I told her several times to make certain that he gets on the plane.

Today, I'm off work and am enjoying my second cup of coffee in a quiet house (except for the dishwasher humming in the kitchen). Not certain just what I'll do all day, but let's see what happens.

I do know that I won't be able to begin to relax until I get the call that he has arrived at his destination.